>Radiation Day 7

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Seven radiation treatments and I’m actually feeling pretty good. I’ll admit I’m a little tired. Yesterday, I celebrated spring by hiking 4.36 miles around Ute Valley Park.  I usually walk by myself – it’s often hard to find someone with the same schedule as mine. But yesterday, I was fortunate enough to hike with a fellow educator. I had a great time and I confirmed my belief that more exercise will go along way to helping me feel better. I’m not sure I can ever get rid of the fatigue. I’m not a restful sleeper, but walking is very therapeutic for me.

Walking allows me to plan lessons, write book reviews in my head and sort out problems in peace. I’ve even been known to have an epiphany or two.  In fact walking around the neighborhood this past Sunday I had just such an epiphany.

Let me back up a little bit though.  When the mammogram techs were placing the wire that would guide the surgeon during the first lumpectomy, one of them commented that the doctor was very concerned about getting the incision for the guide wire as close to the incision for two biopsies.  Apparently, he was concerned about the cosmetic impact of the scar.  At the time, I was very uncomfortable, a little nauseous and just wanted the whole thing over and done with. I responded, that I didn’t care about the cosmetics  – I’m a librarian, not a swimsuit model.  Immediately following the first surgery, I though the scar looked pretty good. Then they had to go back in and they used the same incision.  After that I sort of avoided looking at the scar.

However, since starting radiation, I’ve made it a practice to check  it on a daily basis. I have to check for any skin changes due to the radiation. I told Tony that I thought that since the second surgery and the radiation, the scar doesn’t look quite so good.  I might have used the words “hideous” and “rather scary”.

I’m not sure what I’m worried about. It’s not like anyone will ever see it. Even when I wear a bathing suit, you can’t see it. (I tend to go for rather modest suits.)  Still it’s not a pretty sight.  At least that’s what I was thinking until I sorted things out on my Sunday walk around the neighborhood.

My scar isn’t ugly. In fact it’s beautiful. That scar is just one more sign that I am a survivor. And a lucky one at that. I got to keep my breast, when some women don’t. That scar is a sign that the cancer has been removed and that I’m winning the battle.  I won’t be showing it off – but it doesn’t bother me anymore.

 Nothing like a good walk to get your head on straight and see things with a better perspective.

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4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Benet
    Mar 22, 2011 @ 23:29:46

    >Pretty sure that is called "wisdom". Good for you, you amazing woman!

    Reply

  2. Lorraine DeClmente
    Mar 23, 2011 @ 01:15:12

    >You ARE winning that battle, especially if you can get all those endorphins sorting all your emotions and your perspectives. You are looking at your cup half full and that is very good.You are a very strong woman! God Bless you.Lorraine

    Reply

  3. Christy
    Mar 24, 2011 @ 13:11:17

    >Have you talked to your doctor about not getting restful sleep? Maybe there is a solution of some sort, granted, it is expected that the treatment will make you tired and understandable with so much going on in your life, that you would have a lot on your mind, however, if you weren't a super restful sleeper before, they may be able to give you a low dose of melatonin or a low dose tri-cyclic antidepressant that can really help with sleep. (they gave me a combo of a muscle relaxer and tri-cyclic antidepressant for my back pain, and I never slept better and did not feel groggy in the morning!). Just a thought, can't hurt to bring it up with your doctor…good rest helps healing!

    Reply

  4. Booklady
    Mar 24, 2011 @ 14:36:02

    >Christy – I'm actually thinking of asking for a sleep study, but I wanted to wait until after the radiation. I've not had restful sleep for years. The deployments were always the worst. I don't sleep well when Tony is gone, but then since he snores, I don't sleep well when he's here either. Melatonin will get me to sleep but doesn't keep me asleep. Over the counter sleep aids just make me feel like I'm high. Reducing caffeine doesn't seem to help either. Therefore, I'm thinking a sleep study might be in order.

    Reply

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