>Strange Saturday

>No radiation today. Only on weekdays. But it has been a strange day. Started off about normal.  As usual I was awake several times during the night and finally gave up and got up around 4:30 a.m.  I settled on the couch with a cup of coffee and one of my current reads.  Then Patrick and I met friends for breakfast. Tony had to go into work.

That’s when normal ended. Patrick and I were running errands, one of which was a stop by the mall. I received a gift card in the mail for filling out a health assessment with my school’s health insurance provider. Even though I don’t take their insurance, they offered the gift card to any employee who completed the assessment.

My Payless version of Shape Ups are worn out and if I’m going to get back into my walking routine, I needed a new pair of shoes.  Skechers  has a pair supporting Breast Cancer Awareness. They’ve been on my wish list since the first of the year. But they are rather expensive. I have a hard time paying a lot of money for shoes.  But, I found a local shoe store that had them on sale – significantly. And my gift card covered most of the cost.

After purchasing the shoes I went in search of Patrick who was window shopping in one of the game stores.  On my way I decided to stop off at clothing store I particularly like. They were having a 40% off of everything sale – still shopping for things other than shoes was not in my budget.  But I went in anyway. I’m really into pink these days. And they had several lovely pink items, including a pair of pink capri pants. Unfortunately, their smallest size is too big for me – that’s why I like this store – I can buy really small sizes.  So instead I bought a beautiful green top and a purple wrap.  Then I headed off to find Patrick.

Patrick wanted to know if I could advance him some money on his allowance – or give him a loan that he would then work off. I told him no. He’d already received an advance.  He didn’t give me any grief, but the look on his face was very sad and the next thing I know I was in tears. Let me be very clear, Patrick didn’t give me any back talk or try to argue with me.  I don’t know why I was in tears, but for some reason I was so upset, I almost went back to the clothing store to return my purchases.  Patrick was a little unnerved, to say the least.  And I’m sure he was really freaking out as I continued to cry all the way out to the car and on the drive to the next stop on our list of errands.

Recently, someone mentioned in passing that they either knew someone or had a relative who had gone through radiation and found themselves a little fuzzy headed. (That’s me on a good day without radiation.) But in my research I’ve not found that to be one of the symptoms.  Random crying is not a symptom I’ve found either.  Poor Patrick.  He was doing his best to try to make me feel better. I think he would have promised me the moon to get me to stop crying.  And I did stop, just as abruptly as I started.  We finished our errands. I came home and proceeded to bake a Bailey’s Bundt Cake, A Green Velvet Cake and a Shamrock Silk Pie. (We’re celebrating St. Patrick’s Day a few days later with a group of wonderful friends tonight.)  I will be the designated driver. If shopping reduces me to tears, who knows what a cup of Irish Coffee would do to me.

I may not know what brought on the tears, but I do know that I’m truly blessed with the men in my life – Tony and Patrick have done a wonderful job supporting and taking care of me over the last several months.  Patrick handled my tears with more maturity and calm than you might expect of a 13 year old. I know it hasn’t been a piece of cake for him or his father.  Breast cancer is not just hard on the woman it attacks, it’s hard on the men in her life, too.  And that brings me to my last topic for today.  I selected for my next breast cancer read a book titled Stand By Her: A Breast Cancer Guide for Men by John Anderson.

I chose this book for two reasons.  One, I want this blog to be helpful for not only other women diagnosed with breast cancer, but I want it to be helpful for their loved ones as well.  The second reason is I thought it might give me some insight into how my fighting cancer impacts the men in my life: my husband, my sons, my wonderful Dad by choice, (my biological dad passed away a few months before my diagnoses) and my male friends.

I’m not very far into the book, but so far I’m finding it to be an excellent read. I plan to ask Tony to read it and let me know if his opinion.

Here’s hoping tomorrow will be somewhat more normal (whatever that is). I’m off to find a little Irish Cheer.


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Benet
    Mar 20, 2011 @ 02:11:36

    >First, love those shoes! I want a pair, but since I already have two pairs of Shape-ups, it seems decadent to buy a third (although they've done wonders for my leg and foot problems).More importantly, just please be gentle with yourself! You are going through so much, and not just physically. It only makes sense that you are also processing all kinds of things at subconscious level. And even though none of us want to think about it, the other fact is that we are approaching the age when hormones shift again, and that can do some funky stuff to our emotions as well as our bodies. Be well, dear Beverly! And be good to yourself.


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