>Fighting With Myself

>I wasn’t sure what I was going to talk about today. I’d been toying around with the topic of how what you eat can help deter breast cancer, but I’m still not well versed on the subject.

Then, this afternoon I learned that another woman lost the battle with breast cancer.  Though I knew who she was I didn’t really know her.  We attended the same university, but graduated in different years.  We were in the same women’s fraternity. We shared friends.  We were fighting the same battle.

She was an amazing woman. When she was diagnosed with breast cancer, she took it as an opportunity to help raise awareness and funds for research. She didn’t just sit back and take it. She fought back, not just for herself, but others as well.  However, the cancer returned within five years. And this time it spread.  And this time she lost the battle.

There’s been a raging battle between the voices in my head since I heard of her death earlier today.

Rational, leather-weathering, tough, keeps it all together librarian: “Everyone is different. You don’t know that your battles had any similarity.  Don’t freak out.”

Frightened, fretful, worry-wart, who wishes she could run hide behind her Granny: “She had breast cancer. She had treatment. It CAME BACK! IT GOT WORSE!

Timid little mouse who sometimes feels guilty for breathing: “This isn’t about me. I’m horrible. A husband just lost his wife and I’m freaking about my own worries.”

Librarian: “Snap out of it!”

Worry-wart: I need chocolate. Where did I hide the chocolate?

Guilty mouse: Why are you thinking of chocolate? You’re not allowed chocolate! It’s not on your diet. You should be thinking of this woman’s family. What’s your problem?

Pollyanna: You know there are women who have survived breast cancer.

Queen of Denial: Everyone shut up! I’m going to pour myself a drink and crawl inside a good book.  We’ll be back when we can pull ourselves together and make sense.

This really is the conversation that has been going on in my head – or something close to it.  But please don’t think I’m making light of this woman’s death. And even though I am whiny at the moment, I do know it’s not all about me.  My heart is hurting for her family and friends.   I hope you will all take a moment to send up a prayer for her family and for all the families who are fighting this battle.  Yesterday, I said information is power, but I also believe that prayer is even more powerful.

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