>Searching for Normal

>Over the last couple of months, I’ve often been told don’t worry about . . .
Don’t worry about missing work, the library and books will still be there when you come back. Don’t worry about the dishes, the housework, the never ending to do list, don’t worry about the diet – it will all still be there when you’re ready. Just take care of yourself.

Don’t get me wrong. I appreciate all of those sentiments. Basically everyone is saying worrying about MYSELF is what matters in the grand scheme of things.  I can’t speak for other cancer patients, but for me it’s not so much about worrying that things won’t get done or that my work ethic  will suffer (hey, I just as soon sit on the couch with a mug of tea and a good book), but it’s more about being normal.  I realize that for me the definition of normal is going to have to change a little.  Though I’m confident that they got all the cancer during this last surgery and I expect my next scan, whenever that is, to show me as cancer free, I’m never going to be who I was before the diagnosis. That person has changed (hopefully for the better).  But, that doesn’t mean that I can’t strive for some sense of normal.

For me, fretting about the library is normal. Walking at least five times a week is normal.  Doing 50 sit-ups for me is normal (ok for you highly fit athletes, that’s not much, but for the bookworm who was also a couch potato, just a year ago – 50 sit-ups is pretty good.)  Running out into the snow to take a photo is normal.  These are all things I don’t want to give up.  So, bear with me if I move a little too fast trying to get back into “normal.” Of course, when I’m so tired I have to a nap after grocery shopping, I know I won’t have anyone but myself to blame.

Enough rambling. This morning I took the first step on the road back to normal. For the first time in a little over a month, I went on a morning walk. Brrr! It was chilly.  And I am tired, but my head is clear.  I took my camera and I have some shots to play with.  It took me a little longer – at least it felt like it did.  But, I DID it. For me it was worth being a little tired.

 This is the hill that is toward the end of my usual walking route. It doesn’t look like much in the pictures, but even when I am in shape, my legs usually tingle just a little after I make it up this slight incline.

So, what is the one thing for you that makes life seem normal?


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